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 How
bizarre is it that two films about the lives of the humble shopping mall
patroller should premiere in less than 5 months of each other? Who knew
Hollywood had such a fascination? Don’t be lulled into a false sense of
security guard, folks, for outside of its lead character’s profession,
Observe and Report couldn’t have less in common with the family-friendly
Paul Blart: Mall Cop.
It seems in every popular
movie comedian’s career, there is a need to walk on the wild side, to
make a dark film that no one would expect. One of the most notable was
Jim Carrey’s attempt with the underrated Cable Guy {1996}. Seth
Rogen must’ve felt it was his turn to stretch, but what a shame his
choice is an early shoo-in for one of the worst films of the year.
From the cell phone kiosks, to
the Toast-a-Bun, and every escalator in between, chief security guard
Ronnie Barnhardt {Seth Rogen} is the king of all he surveys at
the local mall. Ronnie and his loyal band of rent-a-cops prowl their
fortress of capitalism like a special-ops platoon, praying for the day
they might be allowed to carry actual ammunition. When a flasher prowls
the shopping centre and frightens Brandi {Anna Faris}, the object
of Ronnie’s affections, his authority is challenged by Detective
Harrison {Ray Liotta}, who unwittingly inspires Ronnie to pursue
his dreams of joining the police force, complete with license to carry a
real gun. Around the same time, Ronnie makes a very bad move in his
quest to impress the hard-partying Brandi, by handing over all his
bipolar-disorder medication for her enjoyment. There was a reason for
all those pills and without them Ronnie’s mental instability gets the
best of the already delusional security guard.
Bitter, ugly and painful to
watch, I never laughed once during Observe and Report. In the attempt
to go dark, writer/director Jody Hill loaded on vile, tasteless moments
all aimed to shock the audience with their supposed edge and politically
incorrectness. This would all be fine and good if even one single
moment of it was actually funny. Watching Ronnie vigorously enjoy the
favours of a vomit-covered, passed-out Brandi just didn’t elicit a
chuckle. Nor did the movie’s highlight of the flasher’s triumphant
full-frontal trot through the entire mall, filmed in excruciating slow
motion for maximum gross-out. There’s also the overall prospect of
getting knee-slapping yuks at the expense of a character who’s mentally
ill. Hilarious.
If Seth Rogen’s point in doing
this film was to play an unlikable character, then mission accomplished:
Even on his meds, Ronnie is obnoxious and irritating. I’m confounded
by Rogen’s choice to play this guy at this stage in his burgeoning
career. The only lights in this muck come from Ray Liotta, as Ronnie’s
detective rival. I adore Liotta in most things, but the man is becoming
his own punchline, playing the loud, slimy guy. The hilarious Celia
Weston plays Ronnie’s whorish, alcoholic mother and Collette Wolfe is
adorable as the sweet coffee shop employee terrorised by her coworkers
until Ronnie gives up his pills. Each performance is utterly wasted in
this comedy swamp.
If given the choice between a
repeated bludgeoning with a tire iron and sitting through Observe and
Report, go with the tire iron, you’ll feel better when it’s over.
~ The Lady Miz Diva
April 8th, 2009
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